Just Wrought

Recovering playwright, once won a STRANGER Genius Award for theater. Now writing a bloated novel about… G-d help me! Theatre.

Category: Writing

  • Sloppy Draft

    I am working on a new draft of my current play-in-progress tentatively titled Philosophical Zombie Killers.  I mounted a public reading of the play back in October, and after compiling a very healthy amount of amazingly cogent feedback from friends, colleagues, and general audience members, I decided that cosmetic changes to the existing script would not go deep enough, and that my best next course of action was to build the play up again from scratch.  This is a daunting prospect: painstaking and awfully slow going.  Nevertheless, I have been hacking at it since New Year’s.

    Then a few days ago a colleague reached out to me regarding an opportunity to possibly develop the script with a very well regarded program; but I would have to get her a draft by Valentine’s Day.  So I’d have to build the script from scratch but build it fast.  What to do?

    I started working sloppy. Instead of carefully building up the edifice from pristine newly minted parts, I  occasionally go back to the old draft and grab stuff to jam into the gaps. It’s a bit like  building a house using parts from the one you just tore down: a door frame here, a plumbing complex there, a scrap of tiling, that perfectly good but rust-stained claw-footed tub.

    My discovery is that sometimes it’s good to get a draft down crappily, capturing the gist of your new ideas so quickly that you can’t fall in love with individual brush strokes. (See?  I’m even doing it here, sloppily mixing my metaphors: “I’m building a house!  I’m painting a picture!”) 

    There are two huge up-sides to working this way. 

    1. It’s intoxicating reckless fun: the kind of fun you wanna keep having until it’s done.
    2. It’s easier to mercilessly murder your darlings when it’s time to go back and do your fine pass.

    Of course, I could be wrong.  Didn’t I just mention that this process is intoxicating?  There’s always that chance the binge slips into blackout territory, and then– oooff!–what a hangover!

  • Bespoken Word

    Bespoken Word

    Have you ever had clothes custom-made for you? I have never been rich enough to afford such a luxury; but theatre, never ceasing to infuse my life with ironies, provided me once with an opportunity to have a pair of 16th Century “pumpkin-pants” plus doublet perfectly cut and stitched to my then much slimmer proportions for a run as Berowne in Love’s Labour’s Lost. Rich or poor, ironic or not, it is always a superbly satisfying feeling to have a something fit you like a second skin. I imagine actors must feel a similar satisfaction when roles are tailor-written for them, which is exactly what I have done for two extraordinary Seattle actors, Hana Lass and Rebecca Olson, in a play called Ballard House Duet, premiering in a little over two weeks at Washington Ensemble Theatre.

    It started with an email from Olson back in June of last year, asking if I would be interested in being the guinea pig playwright for her proposed project to develop new plays written specifically for local actors. For this first outing, she said, the actors would be herself and Hana Lass.

    I responded with interest. It certainly sounded like a strong move toward the sort of locally grown new work I had been advocating here at Just Wrought. I told her my one caveat was I wanted only to write: no producing, no promotion, no administration.  Having served as Newswrights United’s Executive Producer, and having just staged the second of two fully produced Living Newspapers, I was burned out with wearing other hats.

    Rebecca agreed to my proviso, which then left us facing the proto-existential question: how to start?  Okay, so I am writing for Rebecca and Hana, but what am I writing? What kind of characters do I build for them? What kind of story? Would the play require additional actors? Would I write specifically for them as well, or write now and cast later?  I decided to pull a trick out of my NewsWrights bag.  I set up casual interviews with each actress. I wasn’t sure what I was looking for.  Maybe it was just an excuse to indulge my nosiness without seeming too creepy.  I drafted up a list of questions which, digital packrat that I am, I still have.

    Questions for Hana and Rebecca

    What kind of roles do you get type cast in?

    What kind of role have you always wanted to play but never got a chance to?

    Do you have a sister(s)?  {Clearly I was already thinking in that vein.}

    Tell me about your relationship to her.

    If you could change one thing about your sister what would it be?

    What are your weaknesses as a performer?  Strengths?

    What are my weaknesses as a playwright?  Strengths?

    If there’s one thing you could change about Western / American Culture what would it be?

    I had a lot of fun indulging my nosiness under the guise of art.  I found out way more about Hana and Rebecca than I ever could have through casual conversation.  Crucially, I discovered that the three of us all had a close relationship with someone who suffered from the very real disease of hoarding. I seized on this as the foundation for the play, literally the ground on which my characters would play. I also confirmed through these conversations that my instinct to make the characters sisters was dead on; but it also raised a problem:  Rebecca and Hana look nothing alike, not even close.  No one would buy them as biological sisters.  “Fine. They’re adopted,” I decided.

    Next I concluded there was no up-side in expanding the character sheet.  I would focus on the two sisters, tracking them back and forth through time.  If they needed to interact with other characters, the audience would have to play them.  I was already experimenting with this technique in another, weirder play I am devloping, Philosophical Zombie Killers.  This piece for  Custom Made Play Project would give me the opportunity to test it in a more realistic framework. 

    Armed with my interview notes and my burgeoning ideas, I started to build a proto-draft, one plot point and/or dialogue scrap at a time. What I didn’t know, I left blank.  From the outset, I was determined to see these two singing.  My own sisters sang all the time in my house, as did my mother, who sang opera as a young woman, and still sings in two church choirs.  My wife also sings opera and jazz.  So somehow, on stage or off, family for me is inextricably mixed up with music: specifically female voices.

    Point by point, emerging limitations made the play grow.  This is not surprising.  Problems are a playwright’s best friend. Conflict is our soup; obstacles, the chewy nuggets we chop into it.  The unique qualities of my two performers sharpened my focus and maximized my momentum.  For the first time in a long time, there was something— or rather someone or some ones— tugging from the other side.

    Hana claims I had a first draft within two weeks of the second interview, but my rather anal-retentive record keeping shows it was more like five.  Still, that’s a damned fast turn-around for me.  The play has come a long way since this first stab, but the basic shape of the plot and the relationships has survived and expanded.

    The most remarkable aspect of the process, which I feel cannot be emphasized enough, is that Ballard House Duet simply would not exist if we three specific people had not existed and offered it some part of ourselves. Without Hana and Rebecca to build them for, Holly and Heidi simply would have never occurred to me. Not only would the story have gone untold, it would have gone unconceived.  For me that fact is fundamentally astounding and magical.

    I have no idea yet if the play succeeds or fails.  We will need an audience for that final analysis. (That’s where you come in.  Go get your tix!) What I do know is that the experiment itself was completely, utterly worth it. I encourage every playwright to give this sort of personal tailoring a try. 

    Despite how exciting this Custom Made Play Project has been, it only seems like we are doing something new and innovative. The truth is most of the plays we praise in the canon were created bespoke for specific actors. Following this old process is not immediately easy or intuitive, but in the die-press production line, hub-and-spoke distribution network that is 21st Century American Theatre, Seattle is perfectly poised in its Goldilocks perfection— not to big, not to small— to revive a method that can maximize the vitality of locally grown new works for stages across the nation.

  • Exploring Alternative Narrative Structure

    Exploring Alternative Narrative Structure

    It doesn’t happen often, and when it does I always manage to kvetch about it, but I am teaching again, this time at Hugo House, and with a broader scope than just playwriting.  Here’s the pitch. . . .

    Exploring Alternative Narrative Structure

    Aristotle said a story should have a beginning, middle and end, in that order; but how often does life really feel like that? Sometimes to reflect reality we have to challenge old assumptions about how we experience and process narrative. We will explore alternatives to Aristotle’s cherished mountain of rising action, looking at classical music forms, technology, architecture, political systems and biology for potential models.  Indeed, no source of inspiration will be excluded. Famous examples of effective use of alternative narrative form will be examined, including Pinter’s Betrayal, Thorton Wilder’s “The Pullman Car Hiawatha,” Italo Calvino’s novels and Paul Mullin’s Louis Slotin Sonata.  Finally, we’ll examine our current writing projects and determine how they might benefit from some structural shake-ups.

    If you’re interested, your best bet is to register on line here.

  • Creepy Sneak Peek

    Creepy Sneak Peek

    No.  I don’t think the revision process of my play about human consciousness is taking any toll on my mental health. 

    Why do you ask? 

  • June 7, 2005

    June 7, 2005

    For obvious reasons, this is my last re-posting from my “daylog filibuster” seven years ago in anticipation of  the arrival of my second child. 

    Happy Birthday, Kiwi!  I can’t think of a seven year stretch I’ve enjoyed more than the one you’ve hosted so far on earth.   I love you SO MUCH!

    Tue Jun 07 2005 at 2:55:00 UTC

    This is the end.

    And I mean it this time. The only way this isn’t the end is if the Birthing Center triage calls us tomorrow and tells us that they’re too crowded to have Heather in to induce labor. In which case we’ll have to wait till Friday, but I really don’t think that’s going to happen. Thus, I repeat, for emphasis and relish . . .

    This is the end.

    I’ve had a lot of fun with this daylog filibuster (in day 17 now, in case you’re wondering); but I’m certainly not sorry to see it come to a close. I began it in the earnest excitement of thinking my wife would be giving birth within days, if not hours. I never had any intention of posting this many daylogs in a row, ever. I’m just not that interested in offering that wide a window into my life, nor am I driven to write so much so often (I’m not iceowl for god’s sakes); but, as many of you now know, I’m more stubborn than reticent, and so I’ve stuck to the promise of 500 words a day until my baby came. And that will be tomorrow, the Credophage willing.

    I’m not saying I’m not going to node or even daylog here any more. I’m certainly going to tell you all, my friends, how things go. It’s just that this day in/day out blather is going to stop. And I know I can’t be the only one here grateful for that.

    Perhaps I’ll take these 500 words a day, which JohnnyGoodYear reminds us that Graham Greene admonished us writers to maintain, and plow them into my playwrighting. I’ve got a completely hare-brained idea to write short plays specifically for high school-aged actors. I want to call one of them Wallace Stevens: Superhero! If I end up doing it, I promise to post it here for your downvoting pleasure. (If you think poetry gets blasted, try posting a play here.)

    Perhaps I spend a little more time trying to get the plays I’ve already written, done. (Some good news on that end: within the last 24 hours we learned we have a firm commitment from the middle best of the three theatre options we’re courting here to produce Slotin.) 

    Perhaps I’ll spend a little time with the baby formerly known as Fishy. (Ya think?)

    Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. . .

    I want to thank each and every one of you that has msg’d support for Heather, Declan, Fishy and me. It’s meant a lot, and that’s no bullshit. One of the things I treasure most about this place is how genuinely good we are to each other, especially in times of loss, or in my case, the greatest gain. This place will change. It may disappear completely, but what we have meant to each other in certain precious moments will not disappear, because it cannot.

    Cheers to you, my friends. I’ll blather at you again soon. But between now and then, there’s somebody I have to meet.

  • June 5, 2005

    This one strikes me with its description of Declan, pre-Keelan. I recognize his still quite similar personality, but to picture him without the inexorable force that his little brother became in his life is a challenge.

    Sun Jun 05 2005 at 4:49:49 UTC

    The essence of the waiting has transformed now that we know that if the baby doesn’t come in the next three days, then on Tuesday– Friday at the very latest– we’ll go into the hospital and induce labor. Now anticipating Fishy is less like waiting for some indeterminate miracle, and more like anticipating Christmas Morning or the first day of summer vacation.

    And it’s a good thing– I don’t think I need to tell you– that the end is now clearly in sight.

    Heather’s never been one to suffer fools—- i.e. me a good deal of the time—- gladly, but lately she’s been touchier than normal, and getting even touchier daily. It’s hard feeling like I’m just a walking/talking pain in the ass to her. I know this will change, eventually get better, but it’s not likely to do so anytime in the next six months or so, since she plans on breastfeeding and thus taking on the lion’s share of the sleep deprivation.

    I took Declan down to the Seattle Children’s Museum this morning. We got there when it first opened, which in my opinion is the best time, since it’s not as crowded, and the toys not all “played with”. He’s been involving other kids in his play more lately, which I’m glad of since I know it’s only natural as he gets older. It’s an adjustment for me though, since I don’t necessarily like other kids, and I’m sometimes gently tempted to throttle them when they act like punks and bullies to my kid. Still, I almost always stand back, and let him deal with it in his own way. His standard m.o. when faced with a bossy playmate is to just sort of stare at him or her stupidly until the other kid gets bored and moves on, leaving behind whatever toy or playground item Declan wanted to play with in the first place. I sort of marvel at this behavior, actually modeling it in my own endeavors with varying degrees of success. I’m nearly 38 years old, and it’s only been in the last eight or so of them that I’ve learned that it’s not necessary to engage every confrontation one comes across. Declan is like my unwitting post-graduate thesis advisor in this ongoing education.

    After lunch, my favorite time of day: nap time. Heather turned to me and asked if I thought there was anything wrong with the baby.

    “What are you talking about?”

    “Well, maybe there’s something wrong and that’s why it doesn’t want to come out.”

    “There’s nothing wrong. They did all those tests, remember? The baby’s fine in there. Just too comfortable, is all.”

    Then she just started to cry in that horrifying way she does: silently, reluctantly, as if it physically pained her to show such extreme emotion. (I was raised in an environment constantly injected with extreme emotion, like a holding cell regularly blasted with a high-pressure hose, so her reticence always confounds me a bit.)

    I consoled her, somewhat, I think. And then we slept a little. Won’t be long now.

  • June 3, 2005

    Fri Jun 03 2005 at 17:09:08 UTC

    Could this be lucky thirteen? I’m kind of doubting it, as the day is two hours past half done now.

    I took the morning off from work. I knew I was gonna do it last night, but it confirmed my decision when Heather told me she basically didn’t sleep at all. I know my turn at sleep deprivation is coming soon (though not soon enough it seems) and so I truly feel for her. Of all the challenges of early parenthood, that was always the toughest: that gritty hazy desperation, wondering if you’ll ever feel truly rested or awake again.

    So having this blissfully free morning, I took my six-years bride to breakfast at a new restaurant in Ballard called the Hi-Life, owned and operated by the same team that’s given Seattle the 5 Spot and the Coastal Kitchen, both long time favorites of mine, especially for breakfast and brunch. The new place, while offering no new thrills, didn’t disappoint.

    After breakfast we went for a walk around Green Lake: three miles at very casual pace. It was luxurious to be able to spend so much time alone with Heather.

    I gotta tell ya: I’m getting kinda of sick of this. Not just the waiting for my baby to come out, but writing these daylogs, day in and day out. Today at least it seems like little more than an exercise in stubbornness.

    Yes, it’s true that sticking to my stupid word has forced me to write about things I ordinarily wouldn’t, but it’s also distracted me from actually doing what I like to do most, and what I flatter myself to think I’m best at: wrighting plays.

    Had an over-beers meeting with my producing partner to talk about efforts to produce Slotin here in Seattle, as well as a series of original short horror plays by different local playwrights. The meeting was necessary, and ultimately productive, but we were both at the end of wearying days, and grumpy, and had a hard time seeing each other’s point of views on things. These quasi-artistic/administrative relationships are like celibate romances: hard to maintain the passion over the long haul. We need to garner some actual success out there in theatre world to finally consummate things and cement the liaison.

    Impatience is a bad luck force-multiplier. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my near twenty years as a playwright, it’s this. You get impatient: you get dull, reckless, sloppy. You start striking matches just to see things burn, when it’s light you want not fire and smoke. Then you find yourself walking through the smoking charred ruins of a great idea, thinking: “Why didn’t I just wait till the dawn?”

    Waiting for a baby is like that . . . and isn’t: since there’s nothing you can do to force it . . . until there is.

    It would be great if the baby could come this weekend. Heather’s mom could come over from Spokane and watch Declan, thus taking the child care worries out of the equation, at least for the short term. But babies have nothing to do with convenience. Babies shatter convenience like so much collected antique glass.

    And so we wait . . .

  • June 2, 2005

    This re-posting requires some introduction, since some of it responds to a previous “daylog” written by a guy with the handle “iceowl”.  (Keep in mind, this was text-only, pre-Facebook, semi-anonymous stuff we were producing back then.)  Iceowl had written, among other things, the following.  (It will quickly dawn for those of you that know me that iceowl is even more of a bullshitter than I am.)

    Ok, let me tell you something about [Paul]. [Paul] is a big Irish guy the way I am a big Sicilian/Slovak guy. As I suspect I spend more time lifting weights than [Paul], I’m a bit larger in bicep girth than he is, but he has the scar that trumps all visual toughness. Nobody is going to fuck with [Paul] ….

    He talks louder when he drinks….

    One day he said to me, “Hey, I got this thing…” and it turned out to be some sort of contest and would I help him write a screenplay, by the way we only have eight days and we don’t even have page one.

    Of course, this is my kind of challenge as [Paul] well divined. So I sequestered myself, all my waking, non-money-making hours, for ten days. [Paul] and I traded the script back and forth, and when it was clear we weren’t going to hit the deadline, [Paul] negotiated an extension. He got it for us. We submitted. We did pretty damned well, but we didn’t win.  I had taken part in writing a 110 page script in two weeks, and for me, that was consolation prize.

    …I met [Paul] in Seattle, then. It’s his berg. We ate and drank and went to his favorite bar. We ate his favorite oysters by the pier near the place he works. …

    … [Paul] and I drank the drinks of his favorite bartender. We saluted random things and then [Paul] burst into song at one point. He has a very good voice. It couldn’t possibly be any other way.

    Uh-huh.

    And here’s what I wrote seven years ago while waiting for my second son to finally decide to come out into the world.

    Thu Jun 02 2005 at 2:16:31

    ESTRAGON: I can’t go on like this.
    VLADIMIR: That’s what you think.

    Waiting for Godot
    Samuel Beckett

    Day 12.

    Didn’t the Wise Men make it all the way to Jesus in this amount of time? That was always my impression anyways.

    * * *

    Well, let’s review some lessons learned from this experience, shall we?

    1. A mucus plug lost does not a baby bring.
    2. Doyle is a pediatrician, not an OB/GYN.
    3. I can blather on about just about anything for 500 words.

    There’s no news on the baby front. None, zilch, zippo. I’m beginning to feel a bit offended frankly. Does this little fishy know I wanna hold her/him? Can’t she/he hear how excited I am to meet him/her? (Leave it to me to be offended by my own unborn child.)

    But blather on I shall, if blather on I must.

    * * *

    What an amazing ego-high to be mentioned in iceowl’s last daylog along with his father and his writing. Icey’s an amazing guy, and an amazing writer; but as Doyle will attest, he tends to fuzz up on the minor details, or perhaps, more generously, he’s writing them as he sees ’em, like an umpire calling a favorite pitcher’s slider which just misses an on-the-black strike instead of the ball that it is.

    Fact is: I work a way shittier day job than iceowl, and get paid way less to do it. And while I may make money as a writer, it’s way less than say a B-level competition ballroom dancer makes doing that.

    Fact is: I didn’t move to Seattle because it was a better place from which to be a playwright. There is no good place to be a playwright, because to be a playwright is a very foolish thing. I suppose if you had to pick the best place to live to be a playwright, it would be London. I’ve never been there. And then second best would be New York City. I’ve lived there twice. I moved to Seattle to raise my kids because every kid in New York City is, to some degree, a wise-assed, dead-eyed punk, and since my kids will have a genetic predisposition toward that kind of attitude anyway, I figured I’d better raise them in an ameliorating “nicey-nice” Lefty sorta setting like here (though between you and me, I generally love New Yorkers and hate Seattleites– go figure.)

    Fact is: I do have a scar on my face— product of a short career as a New York window cleaner— but people still fuck with me all the time. Just this morning I was pushing on the revolving door to my building, absent-mindedly wondering how horrible it would be if I had to watch my wife get a c-section, when the door abruptly stopped . I looked up to see a guy caught in the door cussing at me for not watching what I was doing. For some damned reason I immediately hollered back at him for trying to squeeze into the same quarter section of the door as his fat-assed girlfriend, instead of going one at a time like a homo sapiens. This pair was clearly a casting reject from the Springer show, so I wasn’t going to waste a lot of time with them. It’s my favorite feature of the revolving door: you go out, I go in. Bye-bye now!

    Still it had me anxious and amped for the next half hour. I’d really like to think I’m beyond my car-kicking, street-fighting days. I shamefully recall an episode from a few years ago when I was back in New York. I kicked a car as it nearly ran me over on Queens Boulevard. The asshole stopped about 100 yards down the street, as if to say, “You wanna go?” I whipped my arms in the air to invite the confrontation. “Come on, Motherfucker!” Then I looked down and realized I had my 2 month baby boy strapped to my chest in a snuggly. Not one of my prouder moments.

    Fact is: I do get louder when I drink, but I cannot for the life of me ever recall singing to icey. And if I did, then who knows what else transpired? It’s all just too disturbing to contemplate.

    Fact is: and here’s the hell of it: I miss iceowl and I’ve only met him twice in my life. I want him to come up and give me an excuse to go on another glorious writers’ bender.

    Whaddya say, icey? I’ll sing your song.

  • May 31, 2005

    Returning to posting entries from my attempt seven years ago to filibuster my second child into the world. After skipping several (too boring, too much family laundry) I prepped this one to post.  Then yesterday happened.  Then I looked at the piece again and thought “Well, it’s got a little hope in it, why not?”

    Blessings and hope to you all. (And happy 10th birthday, Decky.)

    Tue May 31 2005 at 5:52:2 UTC

    2005.05.30 at 21:49 doyle says re May 30, 2005 : life is in the mundane details–the key to happiness is not just knowing this, but believing it–you have a head start as a mick–just having food on the table is a fucking miracle. god bless. the baby is coming in the next 36 hours-a

    2005.05.30 at 21:49 doyle says hunch, but a strong one.

    Wisdom plus prognostication from the Good Doctor! And how can we argue or doubt him? Well, my wife is hoping that he’s wrong with his prediction at least, since that would most likely make the new baby’s birthday the same as my three year-old son’s, but frankly I could care less, since the two anniversaries are going to be too close for little kid comfort in any case.

    I was thinking about what Doyle said while I was meditating today. Of course, that’s a no-no. You’re not supposed to be thinking about anything, really. Then again, you’re not supposed to get distracted by fighting the inevitability of random thoughts either. But hell, it’s that damned-if-you-do-and-don’t essence of Zen that attracted me to it in the first place I should backtrack a few hours. Heather, Declan and I went to Northwest Folklife at Seattle Center this morning. Our first stop was a stage where some girls were doing Irish dancing (god help me!). Now Declan loves dancing, but he was a little queasy from the bus ride down, so he kinda just sat in his mamma’s lap and watched, rapt. I pulled the stroller over to the side of the stage so I wouldn’t be blocking everyone’s view. In front of me were two toddlers, girl and boy, slightly smaller than my boy, dancing away to the infernal Hibernian strains. The little girl was a gorgeous strawberry blonde delight, clearly a danger to hearts decades hence. And she twirled with delight and abandon. A plain day miracle. My favorite kind.

    Then I felt someone touching my shoulder. “Paul? Paul Mullin?” I turned and saw a familiar face, though the woman was at least a decade older than the image in my head. “Kim” was the name that flashed into my head.

    “It’s Kim! I knew it was you. Mark said he was sure because of the scar.”

    “Of course. Kim. We worked together at My Friend’s Café.” I was starting to put it together. Kim and I shared one of the shittiest restaurant gigs ever, 50¢ over minimum wage plus zero tips, slinging breakfast at Green Lake yuppies in a café run by a grand Canadian git named Wayne.

    Then Mark walked into my field of vision. His name flashed into my head much like “Kim” did. He, too, looked a decade past my memory of him. Did Mark work at the café, too? I couldn’t remember.

    And then Kim was kind enough to piece it together for me, while not letting on that she knew I was half clueless. The short story is this: Kim hated the café gig even worse than I did. She was desperate for something new, and my then live-in girlfriend, soon-to-be-ex-wife, who was banquet manager down at the Rainier Club, landed Kim a job waitressing down there. Mark was a busboy at the club. Kim met Mark– I think their first kiss may have even been at one of our notorious parties—and the rest is history, except for Annabelle. Annabelle is the future.

    The strawberry dancing miracle that had delighted me to begin with. Kim and Mark’s two-year old daughter. Annabelle.

    It really wasn’t that extraordinary an episode at first glance. I’d half-forgotten about it until I was sitting there in zazen, thinking about what Doyle messaged. But let’s break it down for a moment. If it hadn’t been for me, slaving away in the steaming food grime and coffee grit of that café another lifetime ago, then meeting Kim and introducing her to the great failed relationship of my life, then this little wonder wouldn’t be. And it wasn’t anything in particular I did. It wasn’t the power of my words as a playwright, or my sharpened perception or deepened compassion as a Buddhist. No. It was just me, living, struggling, connecting to someone else, living, struggling: and, thirteen years later, here’s Annabelle!

    Lao Tzu, via Ursula Le Guin‘s “version” says: “Live long by looking long.” In Tao years, Doyle’s six-hundred and forty-nine years old. Today I’m exactly one day older than I am.

    And Doctor Doyle, if you’re reading this, we’re approximately six and a half hours into your 36 hour window as I type.

  • May 25, 2005

    This is a weird one.  I considered not posting it.  (I promise I won’t post them all.)  However, I found the second dream fascinating, and the improvisational flow of the post satisfying in a way I’d love to get back to, if somehow I could.

    So, if you’ve been following my last few postings (and I can’t really think of a sound reason you should) you’ll know that a strange mandate has crystallized for me. To wit: I’m going to keep writing and posting at least five hundred words a day until my second child arrives. Yes, it’s my own odd version of the filibuster. I’m completely committed to literally daylogging that baby out of my wife’s womb. Absurd, you say? Anymore or less absurd than continuing to write here, or anywhere?

    I’m suddenly reminded, as I often am, of the story of the Hopi Indians that Elaine Pagels likes to tell as an example of religious ridiculousness, but really just winds up looking ridiculous herself for posing so superior. Apparently a particular sect goes through an elaborate ceremony to make the sun rise every morning. When asked what would happen if one morning they simply neglected to perform the rite, they reply: “Oh sure, let’s plunge the world into eternal darkness for the sake of your stupid experiment.”

    And so it is with us writers. Nearly every one of us got into the game because we believed our writing could make the world a better place; and nearly every one of us who stayed in the game came to realize that writing can’t make the world better; it can only make it bigger. And there’s a lot to be said for that; but let’s not fool ourselves into believing we can make a baby be born or the sun rise. Unless of course, it makes us happy, or gives us an excuse to reach out, plug in, take time, get smart, fall on our knees, be human.

    Last night I had the classic big wave dream. I’m at the beach. The surf is enormous, gloriously intimidating. Do I surf it? How do I surf it without drowing? Man, I wanna surf it!

    Then I dreamt that some sort of Zen monk was telling a story to a young woman about a stone carver who was carving the perfect stone to use as a counter-weight in some simple machine being built for the temple. The stone was exquisite, beautiful, but it was much too big for the carver to carry over to the machine. Then the monk telling the story obliged with the solution: one must break the stone in two. Wave of enlightenment crashes over all characters in my dream: the monk and the woman lose themselves in each other’s laughter. You have to break the perfect stone in two.

    Uh . . . yeah, I have no idea either really. Just inklings.

    I wish I could write like the writer of my dreams.

    Heather spent the morning pulling weeds in the front garden, hoping to “get something started.” More absurdity. It’s like eating spicy foods or having sex to trigger labor: all science on the issue emphatically cries, “bunk!” But then again, the garden did need weeding, spicy food can be yummy and . . . well. . . you get the picture.

    As of this five hundred-and-fortieth word, Baby Mullin Two remains unborn. The perfect stone, unbroken.