Continued from Mini- Act I
Mini-Act II
by
O.C.C.A.M.
(The following countdown takes place in darkness.)
CAPTAIN: Seven.
COMMANDER: Seven.
LIEUTENANT: Seven.
ENSIGN: Seven.
BOSUN: Seven.
HELMSMAN: Seven.
SEAMAN: Seven.
COMMANDER: Six.
LIEUTENANT: Six.
ENSIGN: Six.
BOSUN: Six.
HELMSMAN: Six.
SEAMAN: Six.
LIEUTENANT: Five.
ENSIGN: Five.
BOSUN: Five.
HELMSMAN: Five.
SEAMAN: Five.
ENSIGN: Four.
BOSUN: Four.
HELMSMAN: Four.
SEAMAN: Four.
BOSUN: Three.
HELMSMAN: Three.
SEAMAN: Three.
HELMSMAN: Two.
SEAMAN: Two. One.
(Lights up.)
ENSIGN: ¡Ping!
COMMANDER: What?
ENSIGN: Something.
COMMANDER: What?
CAPTAIN: Ensign explicate.
ENSIGN: I… I… scanning… scanning…
COMMANDER: What? Something? What?
CAPTAIN: A ghost? A glitch?
ENSIGN: Gone.
SEAMAN: Go then, Commander-Man, your switch. Punch the button, bastard.
CAPTAIN: Belay below. Avast bastion blasts awhile awaiting a future–
ENSIGN: ¡¡Ping!!
COMMANDER: Again?
CAPTAIN: Ensign extrapolate.
ENSIGN: Close. Closing closer.
COMMANDER: Captain?
CAPTAIN: Aye.
COMMANDER: Shall I?
SEAMAN: Aye, knew you eyed three key live/kill. Use or lose.
CAPTAIN: Hold fire. Helmsman, do die for your New You depth invasion evasion.
HELMSMAN: Aye, aye, I do die for declination dot mark dash dot dash mark dash.
CAPTAIN: Seaman, a head engine’s awful.
SEAMAN: Rot sure negative, Captain. Fear/desire drive died dry of new U launch lust lost and found foundering.
CAPTAIN: Silence. All hands and semenful silence.
(Silence.)
ENSIGN: ¡¡¡¡¡¡¡Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-eeeeeeeeyingyangyangyangyingyingyingyangyangyingyang!!!!!!!
CAPTAIN: Lieutenant, tend the Ensign. Bosun, man the scanner.
LIEUTENANT: I eye, consummation containment crypt cracked.
BOSUN: Breach leaking New U blue-black.
LIEUTENANT: Imminent wave array decay.
COMMANDER: Recommendation.
LIEUTENANT: You knew New You’s posited position predicates primary protocol.
SEAMAN: I aye. Kill/die.
ENSIGN: Oh!
CAPTAIN: Ensign, report.
ENSIGN: Oh come!
CAPTAIN: Ensign, repeat.
ENSIGN: Oh come! Oh come!
BOSUN: Captain, I eye sounds bounding, but something–
COMMANDER: Something else?
BOSUN: Something other. An indistinguishable, inextinguishable echo goes over the whole hollow hull.
ENSIGN: Awe comes!
HELMSMAN: Captain. I eye dying drift dive decline climbing to asymptote of total imp lotion. Shall I continue to die for
you? To dive, perchance to–
BOSUN: Blow the whole hallowed held hull.
CAPTAIN: Hold held course coordinates: invasion evasion.
SEAMAN: Who knew you New You to fool? Where do you New You to go?
CAPTAIN: No one. Nowhere. Need to know only. Nothing knows again new again now, all hands and semen, knew you of New
You to live/let live another daze of all days to fight another night of all lights.
SEAMAN: Live/let live’s long gone. On or on or on and on.
LIEUTENANT: Knew you New You, when nothing’s something sees through Schrodinger’s cat can, all’s over and out with an
ever-rending boom through the Chinese Room.
ENSIGN: Awk’em! Chink the Chink Clink! Awk’em! Awk’em!
CAPTAIN: Knew you, damn you, to extricate, Ensign, and excogitate escape from stated state.
ENSIGN: Aye I one woe wallowing whale’s wail waking mermen and maidens mating making oracling orcas cause calls across all
of us: “Awe comes occaming all ye fate-fools of faded faithfulishness. Be not be afraid/brave I eye-tide in/out tidings of
great joyfoolish noise.”
BOSUN: Behold low hell hellos!
ENSIGN: Aye!
BOSUN: Pain pang pings pound!
LIEUTENANT: Chink the Chink Clink!
SEAMAN: Blast a bastard button, pusher! On or on or on and on!
COMMANDER: I eye I catch as cat can can’t!
HELMSMAN: New You course closing on imminent infinite atmospheres asymptote!
CAPTAIN: I eye from one breach breaking wave good-bye.
ENSIGN: Occam’s rays–
BOSUN: Heard me.
ENSIGN: Occam’s rays–
LIEUTENANT: Hurt me!
COMMANDER QUARK: There’s something–
CAPTAIN QUASAR: –nothing but a little–
SEAMAN MESON: –push would scuttle but a little–
COMMANDER QUARK: –blasting bastion of–
BOSUN BOSON: –sounds truly–
CAPTAIN QUASAR: –human in–
HELMSMAN HADRON: –and doubt of all–
LIEUTENANT LEPTON: –this–
SEAMAN MESON: –that–
COMMANDER QUARK: –never was–
CAPTAIN QUASAR: –always will–
HELMSMAN HADRON: –not stroke–
BOSUN BOSON: –one when we’re–
ENSIGN NEUTRINO: –Occam’s razored!
(Blackout.
End of “The New You Boat.”)
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